Hell and High Water Into the World (a road sign describing a new apt. building)... You can't make this stuff up

So, we've been in Kaifeng for a few days now, and plenty of interesting stuff has happened, most of which is currently catalogued in our minds for future sharing. But right now, I just can't archive the experience of our morning at the Zhengzhou hospital.

All the foreign language teachers (meaning the six English teachers and one Russian teacher who does not speak English) packed into a bus and headed down the Zheng Kai Road, literally the road connecting Zhengzhou and Kaifeng. In China, there is no need for a car radio, because as long as you are on the road, you are serenaded by the sounds of people honking at you from every direction. Traffic laws mean absolutely nothing here. Everyone is so impatient, and whenever you feel like it, apparently, you can cross the double yellow lines to pass the moron in front of you who just isn't going fast enough. I've never seen anything like it.

We arrived at the hospital safely, but before we could have our "body checks" done, we had to have head shots taken, I kid you not, next to a room stocked with nothing but beer. I have no idea, even now, what the heck was going on. Pictures taken, we all proceeded to have the exact same physical examination that we were required to have in the states before we came here, only this time, I was not in a nice doctor's office. I was one of hundreds of people moving from room to room, completing steps of the body check, like height, weight, blood pressure, E.C.G., chest x-ray, and the glorious blood and urine samples. Granted, I've lived a fairly sheltered and clean existence (no guffawing, Mom and Dad), so this was bar none the most traumatic "peeing in a cup" experience of my entire life. I'm sure someone told me, but I completely forgot that Chinese bathrooms do not provide tp or even soap for that matter. Not to mention the fact that I'm standing over a ceramic hole in the ground, around which there is evidence that, even though they've been using these toilets their whole lives, women still can't aim. I think I will officially be holding it for the subsequent ten months of our stay here.

I realize that was more information that you cared to read, but quite frankly, it was more than I wanted to experience. I could not have come to a place more different from the world I've grown up in.

Anyway, we survived, and then Jackie, the International Affairs guy who has been taking care of us up to this point, took us to lunch at the place he claims to have the best noodles in Kaifeng. They were really tasty. Also, we had these veggie balls, which I swear tasted like fried okra. Or maybe I just miss home that much. All in all, though, the food here is delicious! I'll give you some more on that later, because this post is starting to run long.

Love to everyone back home, in that land where things make sense. More to follow soon, something with the less gross and more yummy. :)